Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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