you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
