hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Apparently you make a good broom.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
