im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
