guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
