And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
