OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize