I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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