he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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