Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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