i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
