Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
