I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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