My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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