If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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