You're my little dorito
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
