I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize