Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
