Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
