btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
