do herpes really smell.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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