Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
