im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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