So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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