she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
