i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize