I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
