I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
