JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
