I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
