It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize