You're completely useless in the revolution.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
