All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it's like heaven, but drunker
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
