He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
