I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
