:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
