Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
