I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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