i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
