hotel room ftw
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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