I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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