would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
