I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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