He uses pillows to masturbate.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
