We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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