Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
