I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
