im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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