I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
