you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize