we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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