I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize