I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
