Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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