are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
