I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
