never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
