If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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