hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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