I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
