you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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