just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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