This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
