going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
