just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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