I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
