i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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