I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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