Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
