20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
